Hi! My name is Edwina Nearhood. You may remember me from my previous column named Life at Ground Zero. I ended my column with “So Long or Now”. Who knew it would take me nearly five years to return. As you know when one leaves home for an extended period, they return changed into a community that has been evolving as well. I left my home on a healthcare journey. I needed to be closer to more specialized care while awaiting a heart transplant. When one has been given the gift of mortality, one tends to embrace experience with a little more gusto. I was fortunate enough to find employment in Vancouver. I wasn’t sure how long my wait would be, but I wanted to have a few more experiences with the art scene, climate and ocean air while I waited. Little did I know that I was landing in the big city just a few months before COVID lockdown. I sure didn’t plan on working from home in a 385 square foot apartment. Lucky for me I was steps from the seawall and what would become my real office of contemplation at Sunset Beach.
Although I was alone, I was never lonely. I was able to embrace my solitude and prepare with grace and gratitude to receive the ultimate gift of life. As someone who was a serial giver and doer, I was about to prepare for a huge transition. How does one find themselves worthy of receiving someone’s heart? Why do I get to live when they must die? I had a lot of reconciliation to do. The pandemic lockdown was a gift to allow space to reflect. I began to prepare to transition from a human doing to a human being. I learned to sit with discomfort rather than distracting myself from the denial of what was. I became a caterpillar cocooning in preparation for change. Little did I know how much I would need this stored resilience for what was to come.
In June 2022 I made what I call my last trip to Jasper. I was stage 4 heart failure about to be assessed for viability as a candidate for a heart transplant. At this time, I was living on a prayer and sure determination. I can tell you all about denial. My focus was only on living. I could not handle heat, walking or any physical activity. Despite that I did go on an easy walk around Lac Beauvert by the Jasper Park Lodge. On that walk I took the most beautiful photo. I had been trying my whole life to capture the essence of the world around me. That trip I found it in every shot…I was in a state of being. I took one photograph looking through a large knot hole in an old stump. Through the wooded frame was the emerald, green lake on a backdrop of snow capped mountains reaching for the bluest sky. Unbeknownst to me it would be my last sighted photograph. I love the image it captured. I call it, Life Is How You Frame It.
Four months later after only 22 days on the heart transplant list I received the call. When I awoke 12 days later, I would discover the opportunity cost of receiving the heart was my eyesight! I am so fortunate to look at life as a school to experience. I have my masters in life and am ow working on my doctorate. I hope to share my experiences with you in this column.
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